The Qualifications of a Childless Parenting Advisor

This blog is about family and anything related to and/or impacting the family. It's impossible to talk about family without talking about parenting, and I intend to do that. But for the sake of honesty I must admit that I'm childless. I'm not a parent; I don't have kids. Of course, a lot of people will immediately say that that disqualifies me from saying anything about raising children, but I disagree. I feel I'm highly qualified to talk about childrearing and even to give parents advice. Here's why.

First off, I was a child. That's not a trick answer. Having been a child, like everyone else on this planet, I know a lot about parenting from the back end, so to speak. I remember much about my childhood that show me now a lot about how moms and dads should, and shouldn't, parent. I remember words, spoken in anger or carelessness, that still cause pain to this day. I remember the burden of trying to live up to contradictory expectations. I remember the oppression of controlling, smothering adults. I remember the fear engendered by parental wars.

But I also remember never eating breakfast at school because my mom rose before dawn every day to fix a hot breakfast for her kids. I remember having long, beautiful hair because Mama took the time to take care of it. I remember always being clean and well-groomed, even on the weekend. I remember never going without any necessity. I remember always getting everything I wanted for Christmas and then some.

All of these childhood experiences were lesssons in parenting for me. The responsibility of parenting. The power of parenting. And the love of parenting that makes you do more for another human being, at your own expense, than any other love there is. These lessons qualify me to talk about raising kids.

I'm also qualified because, even though I have no biological children, I've been intimately involved in the rearing of other people's children. I have a niece, a nephew, and a great-niece whom I absolutely adore and helped cared for for much of their childhood. Plus, I have a batch of godchildren whom I spend lots of time with. Too, I worked in day care for 13 years teaching, training and, above all, loving, dozens of kids who spent more time with me than with their parents. I readily concede that no amount of "aunting" or godmothering can equal the real thing. Still, my adulthood has been so defined by hands-on caring for children that I feel entitled to call myself an honorary mom.

As an honorary mom I can give out parenting advice. In fact, several first time parents at the day care centers I worked for asked me for help with various childrearing issues. They understood that as a longtime day care teacher my experience with kids far outweighed theirs, even if the baby went home with them every night.

So being childless doesn't mean you don't or can't know anything about raising kids. Childless, strictly speaking, means only that you have no biological children; it doesn't mean you have no "child sense". I have tons of child sense, regardless of never having children, and I'd like to share it with you. May it help you on the scary, funny, sad, maddening, and superhumanly loving adventure called parenthood.