Have you seen those nanny shows on tv? You know the ones, Nanny 911 (which I think has been cancelled) and Super Nanny. I find them a hoot. Every time I watch them I can't believe that (supposedly) intelligent people let the whole country see that they're totally incompetent parents. I can't believe the amount of child spoiling going on in our society. There are parents out there who are total pushovers with their kids, parents who are even afraid of their own children. It's sickening.
Even before the nanny shows debuted there were plenty of baby whipped parents on tv. A few years ago there was a spate of "I'm Scared of my Child" episodes on Maury Povich's talk show. They were shocking. They showed kids as young as seven literally ruling the roost, hitting their parents to keep them in line, and throwing outrageous tantrums to get their way. But what was really disgusting were the parents, all mothers, crying helplessly and pleading with their monsters to behave. YOU DON'T ASK CHILDREN TO BEHAVE, YOU MAKE THEM!!! I didn't understand why those moms didn't get it. And, unfortunately, there was more.
Another Maury Povich show discussed obese children. There was a 4-year-old boy on the show who was extremely overweight, and guess what his parents said? If they tried to limit the amount of food the child ate he'd throw a tantrum, so they let the kid stuff himself. I was dumbfounded. Those parents were risking their son's health, even his life, because they didn't want to deal with his tantrums! And, sadly, they weren't the only parents doing that. The father of a 100lb 2-year-old let the girl eat a whole bag of hot dogs for lunch because, he claimed, he loved her too much to say no. So another child's health and life were put in jepodary by a "loving" parent. And the sad parade of parental incompetence didn't end with Maury's show.
On an old episode of the news show 20/20 a mother let her preschooler make a total ass of her. The family was in the car, ready to leave home for the day, when the child insisted she needed a stuffed animal on the ride to day care. The mom got out of the car, went back into the house, and got a toy. The child whined that it wasn't the right one, so the mom went and got another toy. That one wasn't right, either. The mom got yet another toy; it, too, wasn't right. Back and forth the mom went for what seemed like forever. It never occurred to this supposedly intelligent woman to tell her daughter "No!" and then let her scream all the way to day care. My mom, like most moms of her generation, would've had no problem doing that. But today's parents act like not giving in to their kids' every demand is a crime. How did we come to this?
I think the astronomical increase in two income families is largely to blame. Many working parents feel a great deal of guilt leaving their kids in substitute care. They try to assuage that guilt by spending "quality time" with their children, meaning the little darlings are horribly indulged so they'll like mom and dad. Showering their kids with everything they ask for, and even things they don't, helps working parents further justify their employment--they "have" to work so they can get so much for the kids. So parents indulge their children to assuage their guilt, thus making the kids ever more demanding, which leads to more indulging, this time to keep the kids quiet. It becomes a viscious cycle. But there's more.
Working parent guilt also makes many of today's parents uncomfortable about being the boss in their families. The collapse of traditional values in America has led to widespread disrespect for parental authority, even among parents. Many of them are indecently willing to give up huge chunks of their authority over their children in exchange for less responsibility for them. That responsibility is given to day care centers and schools. Combine this parental abdication with the obsession with children's self-esteem and "positive" discipline, and you have the perfect spoiled brat recipe.
How do we get out of this mess? Return to traditional values! As I stated above, parents of my mom's generation had no trouble telling their kids no. They and their children knew who was in charge (hint: it wasn't the kids). Today's parents need to get the same confidence in their authority. It's a vital prerequisite to teaching children character. If kids learn good character in childhood they'll be blessings to society as adults. It's the parents' job to make sure that happens. It's a daunting task. No wimps, weaklings, or wussies need apply!
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2 comments:
I would be very interested in knowing how many children you have. I have one child and I would be considered by you to be a "wimp, weakling and wuss" and I am none of the above. I am a stay at home mother of a pre-teen son, so I don't feel guilty about day care. We have set very firm limits and tell him NO and mean it. But, we would qualify as a member of the "out of control kids" panel. Our son has early on set bi-polar, from the age of 2. For months at a time we had removed all items from his room due to throwing of them. At the age of 5 I took my son to the police station due to his anger and throwing toys at me. Now that he has been diagnosed and is now on medication it is much easier, but there are times we still struggle with his behavior. So please don't judge us until you have walked in our shoes since parenting a child with these issues requires that you are not a wimp. The people who do know us would tell you that we are the strongest parents they know and often come to us for parenting advice.
Rhea, why are you so defensive? In my post I was talking about parents of normal kids. I said NOTHING about parents of special needs children. Of course, the circumstances of such parents are particularly difficult and they, the parents, deserve everyone's sympathy, patience and understanding.
And what makes you think that I consider you a wimp, weakling, and a wuss? I don't even know you. But I do view as wimps, weaklings, and wussies those parents who've let their normal children become obese tyrants who get their way by cursing the parents out and intimidating them with violent supertantrums.
And to answer your question, I have no children but that doesn't disqualify me from commenting on the results of bad parenting. I worked in child care for 13 years and have personal experience of those results. So I know what I'm talking about.
I'll conclude by telling you, Rhea, that you need to get a grip and a thicker skin. Nothing I wrote in my post was directed at you. Your defensiveness, though, leads me to suspect that you just might be "guilty as charged".
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